~~~

Perhaps you're wondering why I've taken to replacing actual words with symbols.

I don't quite know why. I think I just feel wordless. And I don't think I could quite put a title on exactly what I'd like to talk about.

I'm feeling a bit better now. I'm pretty sure I've gone into "off" stage. I'm pretty calm, but it's a calmness marked with quick stabs of shock. Like: my god, he's killed himself.

I'm sure this is all very therapeutic. Sarah's managed to cheer me up a bit by talking about metal poles perambulating in the wind ( ? ) and Mel has been talking about her current adventures with stalkers (as she has many). Its not as if I was extremely good friends with him. But I knew him, and I talked to him, and I sat with him in art class.

And I'm sad because he's gone.
Tuesday, December 5, 2000 12:25 p.m.

** . **

I got to school today and there was this makeshift shrine covered with rings and notes, flowers and toys and poems. Somebody went to his classroom and stole his desk. His picture was placed there, with the obituary clipping and letters from friends.

Someone wrote "Fat Pat 2000" on the desk, and there was a stick with the words "PATMAN" carved into it.

It was a wholly depressing place.

Not just because of the grief and the crying; cos there was comforting too.

But because it was such a waste.

And sad; that someone so obviously loved, felt so terribly alone.
Tuesday, December 5, 2000 04:56 p.m.

#

ADAM'S SONG - BLINK 182

I never thought I'd die alone I laughed the loudest, who'd have known? I traced the cord back to the wall No wonder it was never plugged in at all

I took my time, I hurried up The choice was mine, I didn't think enough I'm too depressed to go on You'll be sorry when I'm gone

I never conquered, rarely came 16 just held such better days Days when I still felt alive We couldn't wait to get outside

The world was wide, too late to try The tour was over, we'd survived I couldn't wait 'til I got home To pass the time in my room alone

I never thought I'd die alone Another six months, I'll be unknown Give all my things to all my friends You'll never step foot in my room again

You'll close it off, board it up Remember the time that I spilled the cup Of apple juice in the hall Please tell mom this is not her fault

I never conquered, rarely came 16 just held such better days Days when I still felt alive We couldn't wait to get outside

The world was wide, too late to try The tour was over, we'd survived I couldn't wait 'til I got home To pass the time in my room alone

I never conquered, rarely came Tomorrow holds such better days Days when I can still feel alive When I can't wait to get outside

The world is wide, the time goes by The tour is over, I've survived I can't wait 'til I get home To pass the time in my room alone

We'll miss you
Monday, December 4, 2000 07:18 p.m.

oops

Oh.

oops.

I thought I had something interesting to say.

But I was wrong.

Sorry.

;)
Monday, December 4, 2000 12:05 a.m.

Quickly Bob

Okay, so brad's in the shower and I'm scrambling to finish all this up. I did make an archive for this thing, and I'll add the link as soon as I'm not quickly hemorrhaging to "finish all this up". Sheesh.

I finished my works cited for my Artistry Industry project. Not that I've started it yet. I'm not even quite sure what I'm doing. Blah Blah Blah.. alritey. I admit it. I have nothing exciting to talk about.

Ab-so-lute-ly nothing.

*wastes precious, precious time getting more gum, spearmint, dentyne ice and green*

Ok. Enough of this babble. I'll come back when I'm more interesting.

Expect me in 2040. Thanks.
Sunday, December 3, 2000 11:31 p.m.